Waking Up from War by Joseph Bobrow

Author:Joseph Bobrow
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Pitchstone Publishing
Published: 2015-04-10T04:00:00+00:00

IV. We Are Family

When a service member deploys, the whole family deploys.

Composers Nile Rodgers and Bernard Edwards wrote the song “We Are Family” for Sister Sledge, an R & B group composed of four actual sisters. In 1979 it reached the top of the charts in the United States. The tune is infectious; at Coming Home retreats, when we play it following the talent show on the final evening of a retreat, able-bodied and injured participants alike find it hard to resist getting up and dancing. Their faces and bodies move to the rhythm and express exhilaration and joie de vivre.

If play is the “exercise of safety,” as the neuroscientist Porges says, then dancing is a way to mobilize in service of connection and aliveness, rather than self-defense. The song has a catchy hook, but I think its success derives more from our collective thirst for experiences of safety and community, “good family,” and the letting go that they facilitate.

In using the word “family,” I’m casting a wide net to include: partners (spouses and significant others), parents, children, teenagers, grandparents, brothers and sisters, uncles and aunts, nieces and nephews, step-parents and step-children, family caregivers, professional care providers, and, of course, veterans themselves, including marginalized populations such as women, lesbian, gay, and transgender veterans. “Family” also encompasses ordinary citizens who, over the past fourteen years of war, have been more able to distinguish the war from the warrior than their counterparts during the Vietnam era. Finally, it includes all of us—veterans, their families, and civilians—working in concert to repair the damage of war and build new connections. When a service member deploys, the whole country deploys.

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